FanPost

SBN Power Rankings: Camden Chat On Top, Pinstripe Alley At Bottom

Warning: This FanPost is not part of the excellent series by SBNation's Grant Brisbee; it is a shoddily-done cadmium-containing knockoff that will soon appear in a Chinatown near you.

The front page of all the blogs in the SBNation family have something that is often seen and almost just as often ignored. No, not the Head & Shoulders #HatsOffMoments Twitter feed box, but the blog's tagline near the top of the page, right below the Gillette ad that is telling me that I can turn my odor into freshness. A good tagline should be memorable, descriptive of the community, and perhaps even a little humourous.

In the part one of the one-part series "SBN Power Rankings", we look at each of the 30 SBN baseball team blogs' taglines (as of August 13, 2011).

1. Camden Chat - Because Alex Trebek told you so

How can you beat this? Alex Trebek, the smartest man on television, ordered Baltimore Orioles fans to visit SBNation's Orioles blog on his 29-time Emmy Award winning show Jeopardy! in June. That clip is easily the top highlight of the O's season. And Camden Chat's overlord overlady Stacey chose to show that fact off in their tagline. Ding ding ding! We have a winner here.

2. Bless You Boys - pleasantly colorful charts

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So true, so true. Why are most Excel charts are dull and boring? Because most people don't bother to colour them. Look at how pleasant a chart can look with colours! I don't need to read it to find out what it is about because it's so pretty! Baseball stats need more conditional formatting!

3. Lookout Landing - We Miss You, Dave

Seattle and the rest of the baseball world lost a great broadcaster last year, Ford C. Frick Award winner Dave Niehaus.  For those who may not be familiar with Dave, he is the Seattle Mariners' Tom Cheek, having called 5,284 Mariners games starting with the franchise's inaugural game in 1977. I'm sure that Dave was the voice of the Mariners for many of the people who blog there, and it is a really nice tribute to have that tagline up all season. By the way, we miss you too, Tom.

4. The Good Phight - Ruthless Criticism Of All That Exists

Doesn't that one line sum up what all open threads in blogs end up becoming? Phun phacts: as of time of writing, there has been 4,099 instances of the word "suck", 2,338 instances of the word "worst", 2,165 instances of the word "crap" since 2005, and 3,251,894 instances where a word that normally is spelled with an "f" was purposely misspelled with a "ph".

5. Brew Crew Ball - Where we Watch the Milwaukee Brewers Take Something Simple and Make it Difficult

The current tagline was placed on their site after K-Rod was traded to Milwaukee, and Brewers manager Ron Roenicke initially made the situation complicated by saying that both Francisco Rodríguez and John Axford would close, and both would set-up. Bluebird Banterers can relate to this because the Jays manager John Farrell also made it difficult by also putting both a "Francisco" and a "Jon" in the closer role this season. The simple solution for Roenicke would have been to just allow Axford to continue closing, the simple solution for Farrell would have been to just allow his starters to throw complete games.

6. Twinkie Town - We are all witnesses to the first ride of Ben Revere.

Look, fellow bloggers, and you shall read / of the sixth tagline; now proceed! Twinkie Town makes a nice historical link between Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem about American Revolutionary War hero Paul Revere's midnight ride to warn about the British invasion and Twins' rookie's first time riding a Twinkiemobile. (I could've written about another type of "ride" but Hugo's mom would have disapproved of it.) #6org

7. Bluebird Banter - We wait no longer, have no fear Lawrie is here.

Consider me biased, but I really like Bluebird Banter's new tagline, replacing "Waiting for Lawrie", a temporary tagline that survived for much too long. The only thing that kept it from finishing higher in this power ranking is the poor punctuation. When it was first put up on the site, a distinguished member of the community suggested that the two independent clauses should be connected with a semicolon rather than a comma. The current punctuation creates potential ambiguity over whether "we" is the subject of "have", or if "have" is acting in the imperative mood. Dammit; I'm banned now, aren't I?

8. Royals Review - A Yamacio Navarro and Debating Jeff Francoeur Blog

I love saying the name "Yamacio". Much more than saying "Yamaico".

9. Purple Row - A Colorado Rockies Blog - WELCOME TO 2011 EVERYONE - WELCOME TO THE COLORADO SEASON FROM HELL

The only tagline on this list that yells at you. The Rockies aren't really a bad team (for the NL), but they haven't played well since April 16. Ubaldo is gone and Juan Nicasio got drilled in the head.  I guess the devil came back to collect unpaid debts from the improbable finish in 2007.

10. Federal Baseball- An unofficial Washington Nationals Support Group.

It must have been hard on Nationals fans when Jim Riggleman left the team for younger women so they decided to form a support group to help cope (it must have been hard to take, considering how the team is only 7 seasons old). Oh, it formed earlier? Was it when the team agreed to pay Jayson Werth $21 million a year at for his age 36-38 years? No? Was it when the 2009 Nationals team actually worsted the 2008 team by playing (and losing) one more game?

11. True Blue LA - Where The Dodger Dogs Are Always Grilled

Seriously. Why would anyone order steamed hot dogs? For hot dogs, size doesn't matter (you can always have two or three)--it's all about how it is cooked. I remember going over to a friend's place when I was 9 or 10 and his mom made steamed hot dogs for us for lunch because she said eating grilled food will give us cancer. Needless to say, we stopped being friends soon after that incident.

12.  Lone Star Ball - The gravy on your Texas Rangers meat and potatoes

Mmmm gravy... How I have craved you ever since you were banned from the City of Toronto.

13. Let's Go Tribe - Indians Baseball: The Home of Light Catches and Dry Swings

Until I found out that our old friend Jordan Bastian provided this Grady Sizemore reference, I was envisioning lampshades and hanging swings in an alcohol-free playground.

14. DRaysBay - A Tampa Bay Rays Blog: Ball on a Budget

The difference in payroll between the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox: $41 million. Tampa Bay Rays payroll: $42 million. It's also cheap to go to the game: if you drive to the Trop with 3 other people you can park for free. I wonder how many blowup dolls make their way to Rays games.

15. McCovey Chronicles - A San Francisco Giants Blog. Fifty-seven splash hits. One world title.

The San Francisco Giants have hit 57 homers into McCovey Cove (35 of those were hit by Barry Bonds), but visitors have only hit into it 17 times. So what can we see from the numbers? Statistically, the Giants look like a team swinging out of their cleats at AT&T Park, with an unusual home-field advantage in hitting splash hits. By itself, this statistic is only circumstantial evidence that may lead to the conclusion that Barry Bonds was juicing.

16. Bleed Cubbie Blue - A Chicago Cubs Fan Community Since February 9, 2005

The Chicago Cubs are known for playing in one of the oldest stadiums in Major League Baseball. Bleed Cubbie Blue members want to be known for participating in one of the not oldest blogs in SportsBlog Nation.

17. Red Reporter - A Cincinnati Reds Blog with serious issues

SeriousIssues.net disagrees:

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18. Talking Chop - The Atlanta Braves blog of record

Talking Chop is the Globe and Mail and the New York Times of Atlanta Braves blogs. It's less of a reflection of the blog's quality than a reflection of the literacy level of Georgians.

Tied 19-24. Athletics Nation - An SB Nation blog for Oakland Athletics fans

Fish Stripes - For Florida Marlins Fans
Gaslamp Ball - San Diego Padres baseball in the form of a blog
Halos Heaven - Your Angels Blog. All Your Angels News in One Place.
South Side Sox- A Chicago White Sox Blog Community
The Crawfish Boxes - Your First, Best Source for Houston Astros Baseball

Come on, these are bloggers and none of them can find a less generic tagline? I think they need to go ahead and start a contest to replace these boilerplates with something unique. And give out prizes too!

Tied 25-29. Amazin' Avenue - An Unofficial New York Mets blog
AZ Snake Pit - An unofficial Arizona Diamondbacks community and blog
Bucs Dugout - An unofficial Pittsburgh Pirates blog
Over the Monster - An unofficial Boston Red Sox blog
Viva El Birdos - An unofficial St. Louis Cardinals blog

These five generic ones are worse than the the ones above because the word "unofficial" is inserted in there. It sounds like someone told them to do that, like the official team blog's team of lawyers. I'm sorry, but you get huge negative points for letting lawyers push you around.

30. Pinstripe Alley - Where fans can celebrate the 27-time World Champion New York Yankees

Really? The New York Yankees have won 27 World Championships? I hadn't noticed. Thanks for being a douche for letting us know how crappy all our teams are, and how we lack the history or the legends that your franchise has. Man, I hate the Yankees and Yankee fans.

Follow @BBBMinorLeaguer for his musings on the Twitterwebs!

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