Gord Ash and the Pizza Hut Kids Menu

One day, on his lunch break from sweeping the floors of the SkyDome, Gord Ash decided to treat himself to the Pizza Hut All-You-Can-Eat lunch special.

"Boy," said Ash, as he took off his cap and brushed the sweat from his forehead, "I sure could use some greasy pizza right about now. It will make my afternoon nap even easier."

When he walked in, he loaded up his plate with all sorts of pizza types: pepperoni, meatlovers, cheese, extra cheese, hawaiian (but none of that vegetarian crap). Satisfied with his haul, Ash set out to find a table. As it was lunch hour, the restaurant was pretty crowded, but he spotted a family getting up and moved quick.

At last he was able to take the load off his feet and dig in to some well-deserved pizza. And wouldn't you know his luck, the family left him a kid's menu with activities AND crayons!

Ash was happy. He coloured in the friendly pictures of the pizzas (except that vegetarian crap) and even added moustaches to them. He tried to do the maze, but got frustrated halfway through and scribbled it out in a rage.

Then, he began writing nonsense.

"Esteban Loaiza for Michael Young, yeah, that'd really turn this ship around."

You know, really crazy nonsense.

Just then, the President of the Blue Jays walked by and noticed these really crazy notes on Ash's kids menu. Rather than react like any sane person would and exclaim "Oh my goodness, you are really terrible, go away!" he stopped and wondered if maybe this janitor with a great taste in pizzas (none of that vegetarian crap!) really DID have some great ideas on how to run the Toronto Blue Jays.

Afterall, that loser Pat Gillick was always trying to win the World Series, and since he already won two in a row, it was getting really old.

Transfixed, the president asked if he could join Ash for lunch.

"Of course" said Ash, "I'm just enjoying some great pizza, with none of that vegetarian crap!"

The two sat down and soon, Gord Ash had the president hypnotized with the ravings of a lunatic. Ideas swirled around them as they talked about that bum David Cone, that jerk Shawn Green, that fatso David Wells, and on and on.

The president decided that this was a man who needed power, and pronto.

"Son," he said, "we need to get back to the Dome pronto! I'll start the paperwork, because effective immediately, you're our new GM."

Gord Ash was thrilled. He squealed like a pig, ran around in a circle and decided that it was the pizza he owed it all to (except for that vegetarian crap).

The two of them got up to leave when the president noticed that Ash had left his Kids Menu at the table.

"Son, aren't you forgetting your master plan?" gesturing towards the crayon scribbled menu.

"Oh wow, phew, you really saved me," said Ash as he ran back to the table.

"We would've been in real trouble if I forgot this!"

"I know son," said the president.

And the two laughed as they walked out into the afternoon heat, determined to change the world.

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