By now I'm sure you've all read the stories.
Ben Cherrington and Co. have got their safari suits on, their high powered tranquilizer rifles slung over their shoulders and have loaded up their jeep with all sorts of supplies like water and beef jerky. Basically, they look exactly like this:
Their target: Jon Farrell, good guy currently employed by the Toronto Blue Jays.
It's been embarassing how public this "hiring process" has played out, with Boston all set to anoint Farrell as the smartest man in baseball and the ideal guy to save their rag-tag group of chicken eating, beer drinking disappointments.
So it's alternate future time! Inspired by this article on MLB Trade Rumors, let's play a game (WITH A POLL).
INT. RITZY HOTEL LOBBY - MORNING
ALEX ANTHOPOLOUS walks through the lobby, drinking his coffee with purpose while surfing the net on his Blackberry. Suddenly, the phone vibrates and a message appears on screen.
JOHNNY BOY: Hey Alex, sorry to tell you over text, but I just accepted a job with the Red Sox. I'll pick up my sleeping bag and backpack from the Dome later today. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Hope the flight was OK.
Alex stops dead in his tracks.
Alex dramatically drops his coffee in slow motion and starts running towards the elevator. The music is blaring. He's running to the conference room now, full sprint. Dramatic speed lines are flowing off of him, like an anime cartoon. He's dodging bell boys, he's hurdling garbage cans.
This is a man on a mission
INT. RITZY HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM
Anthopolous burts through the doors causing everyone in the room to turn and stare in dramatic fashion.
ORGANIZER: Hello sir, have you picked up your name tag yet?
Anthopolous turns and looks at her. He grabs her by the collar and pulls her over the table.
AA: I NEED TO GET TO THE ABANDONED MANAGER ROOM NOW!
Spit flies from his mouth. His eyes are crazy, deranged.
ORGANIZER (feebly): They're...they're over there.
She struggles to point her finger towards the door.
Anthopolous drops her and sprints. Sandy Alderson tries to say hello but Anthopolous has no time. He zig zags his way through the crowd with machine like efficiency, finally reaching his destination.
He opens the door, revealing different kennels, with trays of food and water in them.
In them sit BOBBY VALENTINE, OZZIE GUILLEN, MIKE SCIOSCIA, MANNY ACTA and JIM LEYLAND.
A young, pimply face SHOPKEEP walks out from the back.
SHOPKEEP: Oh hello sir, I didn't her you come in. What can I do for you?
Anthopolous surveys the scene. He doesn't speak, which kind of freaks out the Shopkeep.
SHOPKEEP: Um, sir...are you all ri-
AA: SH! I'm thinking.
Minutes pass slowly. In the eery silence, all that can be heard is the grumbling of Manny Acta as he plays with his piece of plastic steak and the whimpering of Bobby Valentine.
AA: Do you have any others?
SHOPKEEP: I may have a Terry Francona in the back underneath some boxes of Manager Chow...
Dear reader, it's now time to choose your fate. Choose what happens next!
EDIT: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ATTACH POLLS SO HERE'S YOURE CHOICES!
You choose as the next Blue Jays Manager:
- Manny Acta (turn to page 42)
- Bobby Valentine (turn to page 31)
- Ozzie Guillen (turn to page 21)
- Mike Scioscia (turn to page 46)
- Jim Leyland (turn to page 18)
- Terry Francona (turn to last page)