After the news broke on Tuesday that Jon Lester may have been doctoring the ball with some vaseline during game one of the World Series, I started to wonder if the Red Sox don't just go through their houses looking for things to cheat at baseball with. As you can see below, something weird is happening inside the glove of Mr. Lester and since he plays for Boston, we may as well jump to conclusions.
The controversy brings to mind another event from earlier this year, which saw fellow Red Sox starter Clay Buchholz doctor the ball against the Blue Jays with a mix of rosin and sunscreen and sweat and anything else he could get his hands on.
Since the Red Sox seem to be in need of some more advantages after their game two loss, I decided to come up with some more household items the team could use to get an unfair step ahead against the St. Louis Cardinals.
One of the most potentially helpful household items for the Red Sox would be some fans. It's clear that the Red Sox would have much more success if they could keep the Cardinals from hitting the ball out of the park. That being said, I propose that Boston sets up a few fans set at full speed facing the field on top of the Green Monster to ensure that no fly ball from the Cardinals power hitters gets anywhere close to leaving the ballpark.
A Stick of Glue
Since it seems that Red Sox pitchers really want to get a good grip on the baseball this season, what better solution than to apply a stick of glue to their fingers before they step onto the field. Forget amateur substances like sunscreen and vaseline, a stick of the good stuff will have the cutters moving like sliders and breaking balls falling off the table and through the floor.
Although the Red Sox had a good offensive performance in game one, last night was a little more of a struggle. Although it's well known that the Red Sox prefer beer over wine, it would be wise if the team found some corks and hid them in their bats for a little extra "umph". The centre field wall at Fenway Park might seem a little closer if they decided to bend the rules a bit.
This item isn't really used to cheat and it's seems like the team has already discovered it earlier in the year anyway. After mixing up a batch of good old Kool-Aid, the team might start saying stuff like
"John has the team focused on winning, the clubhouse is happy, and as Dustin [Pedroia] says, the players grind out at-bats. Credit also should go to the coaches and to Ben [Cherington] and his front office, but John has been key. His skills range from his calm nature to his in-game strategy. Whether communicating with our core group of stars or the role players coming up and down from Pawtucket, he has everyone’s trust.’’
Not only is he a manager, he’s a friend and a teammate. If someone is always disciplining you, playing the game becomes like yard duty. But he’s just one of us.
So it seems they already thought of the Kool-Aid idea and it's possible the whole city of Boston is close to overdosing on it.
Is there any other household items that you folks think the Red Sox could use to get ahead in this pressure-filled World Series?
Just in case it needs to be said, there's no proof that Jon Lester actually doctored the ball in game one, but that's not going to stop us. (who let the lovely, wonderful, SB lawyers on to the site?)