FanPost

Why Red Pandas support the Blue Jays

With apologies to our heroic azure-tinged corvidae, red pandas* are the most amazing animals in the world AND THAT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT!

So, it stands to reason that they would support the Blue Jays. Why? Here are some definitive answers for you which may or may not be true.

Red pandas are territorial and are solitary except during mating season

Jays fans too are solitary during the regular season, as people leave them to their unnatural obsession with Colby Rasmus’ hair and Dickey’s knuckler. Only wives/girlfriends/partners get an occasional look in and probably only after a win.

Red pandas are generally quiet except for some twittering, tweeting, and whistling

Given the Jays’ 2013 season, this is in no way surprising. Jays fans are stunned into silence nearly everyday as their beloved team finds new ways to lose, fail or implode. Only the occasional outburst of profanity and sharp intakes of breath breaks the mood.

Red pandas are used to cold climates

Perfect for supporting a Canadian sports team through the frigid winter of the off season whilst waiting for the warmth of the summer.

Red pandas can regulate their metabolism and heart-rate like a sloth

With Jays fans blood pressure reaching danger levels last year with each homer/injury/JPA strikeout, red pandas are blessed with the ability to keep themselves calm in the most dire of circumstances.

The red panda is quite adaptable to living in captivity and small spaces

They must feel right at home in Rogers Centre.

Red pandas do little more than eat and sleep due to their low-calorie diets

I'm looking at you sports fans, Jays fans and Canadians in general. And Minor Leaguer, who probably lives in his mom’s basement…

Red pandas are a declining species on the threat of extinction

So they can really only support one team right? Oh, ok, they could support the Leafs too…

Red pandas are still being poached and are often sold to private collectors at exorbitant prices

See Napoli, Mike

Red pandas are prone to bouts of depression

I can see the sad little tears on their faces as Reyes twisted his ankle, Brett fell down a camera well and another Dickey delivery got sent into hyperspace. I can only imagine how they must feel about the off-season ‘trades’ so far.

Red pandas are only in season for one day a year

Insert obvious Blue Jays regular season joke here.

*Red pandas are also personal friends of mine, to this post may be a tad biased

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