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Spring Training Reports... from a Moron's perspective

Although it's nearly impossible to gage too much on the results of spring training games, let's face it we're baseball nerds. Know how I can tell? You're currently avoiding work while compiling your spreadsheets for upcoming pool's and drafts. Face it, you care about the minor details of Grapefruit League action! Can I get a "Woot" on that one? Admitting this will be your first step to recovery. Let's take a look at the early returns.

First and foremost Jo Matumoto: My Japanese/Brazilian ace got thumped yesterday by the 9th inning Devil Rays. I hope he enjoys AA.

Vic Zambrano: I'm telling you, this was a good pickup. What's two little Tommy John's?? Only two?

Gus Chacin: Cologne Day may have been the pinnacle of his career. Seriously, each thumping makes me a little bit more nervous. ***Sidenote*** can somebody tell me why I drafted this man in my pool last year?

Whole Blue Jays team: Did they decide to have a hair growth contest in the off-season? Chea-head anyone?

Fassano/Phillips/Thigpen: Thigpen is young, but why not just let Zaun mentor him this year? Teach him all about Classic Rock and Catching. You can't tell me that he wouldn't do a better job than "The Goggles" and "The Mustache" combined?

Towers and Adams: Are you still here?

Royce Clayton: What happened to the dreads? Seriously??? Where'd they go? This of all years to show up bald! Must be like that waking up naked dream for him. Shudder.

Lyle Overbay: Everyone in Toronto is really starting to get just what a solid player Overbay is. He's going to be an increasingly large presence in their marketing... just watch. He's only getting better too.

Aaron Hill: I'm more and more convinced that he escaped from a Keebler tree. Doesn't even make the ranking lists for 2nd basemen, but he's a dern GOOD ballplayer. I'll take him over most others...honestly.

Troy "Big Daddy" Glaus: he's big. I wonder if he can touch his toes?

The player formerly known as Alexis Rios: 30 HR, 20 SB, .310 AVG... this admittedly is "homer talk" but eat it up now.

Vernon Wells: Did you see last week's episode of Lost? In the morning I checked out It was talking about the hippy VW van that Hurley found. One of it's nicknames was a "VDub". Until that point I had no idea why Vernon had that nickname. Is there anything that LOST can't do? Oh yeah, and Vernon is REALLY REALLY good.

John "Boomerhower" Gibbons: More gibberish than ever. I like him more and more every day. Like... I wonder if he'd consider coming over to my house for diner one night?

Juice Burnett: He's working on a change-up... and since every pitch he throws is nasty (if it's not hit for a Home Run)... I'm pumped to watch him this season.

Tomo Ohka: I'm pretty sure he's going to be a flop. Looks like his arm is dead like a mackerel.

*** Note, these are the opinions of a moron. Please do not mistake them for educated. Please do not use them as fantasy draft prep***

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