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Totally Unsubstanciated Blue Jays Conspiracy Theories

Theory #1:

The Jays desperately wanted to keep Dustin McGowan in AAA because he can actually get batters out on the farm.  That way his value won't get shot all to hooch when the Indians bomb him tomorrow night.  

Theory #2

Troy Glaus can't get himself out of bed by himself in the morning.  They have a specially designed machine to hoist his decrepit old bones out of his Craftmatic.  They then spend 3/4 hour "bending" his totally erect body.  

Theory #3

Brian Tallet doesn't actually own a razor.  I actually hope this rumor is true... it sure would explain some things

Theory #4

Sal Fasano is an underworld kingpin and actually calls all the shots in the front office.  He's also my butcher.  "Do you link your own sausage?"  

Theory #5

BJ Ryan's injury has nothing to do with his arm.  He actually got his enormous head stuck in one of the Dome railings and he's been cross-eyed ever since.  (Jason Phillips suggested laser eye surgery... but it just made things worse)

Big Ear Creations