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Theophany On The Radio

To some people, Baseball is a religion. Baseball games are like Mass, the play-by-play guy and the analyst are the priests, preaching the good word from their broadcast booth alter.

Very, very rarely, one of the Baseball deities, a Baseball God, appears to directly speak to His believers. Last night, I was lucky to experience this moment of Epiphany when a Baseball God contacted BlueJaysTalk radio host Mark Wilner on Sportsnet Radio the Fan590. If you had missed the blessed event, fear not, Mr. Wilner and his producer dutifully recorded the apparition and have published them here (scroll to 10:08).

This Baseball God made his appearance as Robert, from the divine land of Scarborough. He was frustrated at the way his team, the Toronto Blue Jays, had played last night. He could have easily condemned all the damned players into Baseball Hell (Cleveland), so instead the Ever Forgiving God decided to call Mr. Wilner to vent his frustrations.

Please do yourselves a favour and click on the above link to listen to the Baseball God explain why the Blue Jays should have gone to acquire Gino Gonzalez, P.J. Wilson, or the legendary Cubs right hander Mark Buehrle.

So, it turns out that He got a few names and details wrong. But as a Baseball God, He is not concerned about names and other minor mortal concerns like which hand Buehrle pitches with. Neither did the Bobblehead God who created this left handed Roy Halladay bobblehead.

It may be sacrilegious to say this but, yes, the Baseball God sounded like a drunken idiot. There are three possible conclusions we can make from last night's theophany: a) the drunken idiots you've had to deal with are actually deities, 2) all Gods sound like drunken idiots to us mere mortals and that's why so few of them talk to their believers directly, or c) Mark from Scarborough is not a Baseball God and he was actually a drunken idiot.