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Baseball is back, which means it’s time for me to dig through all the terrible tweets and find the best ones to share with you.
Here is a comprehensive list of the best tweets from the Yankees/Blue Jays Season Opener at the Rogers Center:
On Opening Day rituals:
Oh phew, there's the traditional dubstep bwub bwub bwob bwob.
— Keegan Matheson (@KeeganMatheson) March 29, 2018
Now I finally feel like the season can begin. #BlueJays
On initiating our new relievers:
Hi Jon. Welcome to the team. Your first task is to retire Giancarlo Stanton with a man on base.
— Mike (@gosensgo101) March 29, 2018
On our sympathy for the Tampa Bay Rays:
At least Rob Refsnyder isn't our DH
— X - The_Road_Guy (@The_Road_Guy) March 29, 2018
On Josh Donaldson’s throwing struggles:
John Lester admires Josh Donaldson’s throws to first.
— Tao of Stieb (@TaoofStieb) March 29, 2018
On missing Jose Bautista:
ME: "I like the Randal Grichuk deal overall, great bounceback candidate, some pop in the bat, should be a g--"
— ℳatt (@matttomic) March 29, 2018
(Sees Randal Grichuk in a real game standing in right field)
ME: pic.twitter.com/iRpEer7VwH
On misplaced items:
Could have sworn I saw #Bluejays equipment bags coming off the plane from Montreal with my own eyes. Seems like they're still waiting for the bats to arrive.
— Mike Wilner (@Wilnerness590) March 29, 2018
On downplaying injury concerns:
If only this had been something less serious, like Dead Feet or something
— Zubes Brand (@the_Zubes) March 30, 2018
On the long awaited return of Sanchize:
Sanchez's stuff pic.twitter.com/LV4IjA5iZl
— Gruber's Mullet (@GrubersMullet) March 30, 2018
On things that never change:
Can you imagine the luck of us having 2 professional Yankee Analyzers as our broadcast booth? #BlueJays
— Melissa (@melissasprofile) March 31, 2018
We're watching the YES broadcast today, so I'll probably hear less about the Yankees
— Kristine ⚾️ (@KJay1122) March 31, 2018
On our appreciation for Ryan Tepera:
Tepera just struck out Judge and Stanton on eight pitches, which seems like the only good part of this game
— BP Toronto (@BProToronto) March 31, 2018
THIS IS THE TEP ERA https://t.co/Yn2k0Bt0kv
— Natural Leadoff Sleeve (@Lesley_NOPE) March 31, 2018
On things every Blue Jay should try when their parents are in attendance:
@Wilnerness590 @RGrich15 Did they see last night’s dinger? Should he hit another just to be safe?
— Baking Brad ⚾️ (@brad__c) March 31, 2018
On realistic expectations for our starters:
Marco Estrada has one singular and overwhelming goal today: restore faith to tens of thousands. And thousands.
— Ari Shapiro (@ari_shapiro) March 31, 2018
On beautiful sights:
Giancarlo shaking his head after a Marco chaneup is what I live for
— Scott (@TuronnoJays) March 31, 2018
— Gruber's Mullet (@GrubersMullet) March 31, 2018
On the unpredictibility of baseball:
Who needs Stanton when you have ... *looks at score card* ... Tyler Austin?
— Melissa Couto (@ThrowinSmoke) March 31, 2018
On Luke Maile’s new offensive prowess:
Calling Luke Maile Canada Post because eventually and at long last he delivered.
— Andy (@_rallycap) March 31, 2018
On rare events:
PILLAR WALKED TIME TO ROTATE YOUR MATTRESS#BlueJays
— Blue Jays Dad #InFlight⚾️ (@BlueJaysDad) March 31, 2018
On our new appreciation for Yangervis Solarte:
Yangervis Solarte has pimped both of his base hits this year - a double off Aroldis Chapman and a homer off Dellin Betances - within inches of their respective lives.
— Jonah Birenbaum (@birenball) March 31, 2018
On Kevin Pillar’s incredible steal of home:
@BlueJays that was awesome more steals of home please thankya
— Cespedes Family BBQ (@CespedesBBQ) March 31, 2018
Yangervis Solarte on Kevin Pillar's steal of home. “To be honest, I liked it more than my homer" #BlueJays
— Ben Nicholson-Smith (@bnicholsonsmith) March 31, 2018
[record scratch] [freeze frame] yep that’s me, Dellin Betances, you may be wondering how I got myself in this situation pic.twitter.com/QWF01sUBbI
— James G (@james_in_to) March 31, 2018
Wanted: The Man of Steal. #LetsGoBlueJays pic.twitter.com/LmmJC4BVbt
— Toronto Blue Jays (@BlueJays) April 1, 2018
On Marcus Stroman’s dedication to his first start:
Marcus Stroman is clearly locked in for his season debut today. He hasn’t updated his Instagram story in 12 hours.
— Jonah Birenbaum (@birenball) April 1, 2018
On Justin Smoak’s Easter miracle grand slam:
Yessssssssssss
— Kristin Smoak (@KristinSmoak) April 1, 2018
He hit it so hard the pitcher’s Yankees jersey turned into an Orioles one. https://t.co/pNAwwWzdYM
— Andrew Stoeten (@AndrewStoeten) April 1, 2018
Easter: 2048
— Andy (@_rallycap) April 1, 2018
*Grandkids gather around my recliner*
Me: You kids want to hear about the Easter miracle?
Grandkids: Yes grandpa!
Me: It's the 8th inning and the #BlueJays are down 4-3 to the Yankees.
Grandkids: *cry*
Me: That's when Justin Smoak came to bat....
Life comes at you fast pic.twitter.com/7Se1VPtp1b
— Minor Leaguer (@Minor_Leaguer) April 1, 2018
On finally getting to that elusive .500 mark:
The Blue Jays are at .500 or better for the first time since Melvin Upton was a starter.
— ℳatt (@matttomic) April 1, 2018
And here's my #BlueJays .500 celebration! Man it sure collected some dust but the pay off was pretty fun! pic.twitter.com/lhj49YR7fx
— James G (@james_in_to) April 2, 2018
BONUS:
Me, every time I asked a girl on a date in high school: pic.twitter.com/d0DKM4JBmZ
— Jared Wyllys (@jwyllys) March 29, 2018
Happy Easter from the Nationals clubhouse, where Sean Doolittle, Stephen Strasburg, and Tanner Roark are currently debating the believability of the physics behind the Star Wars movies.
— Chelsea Janes (@chelsea_janes) April 1, 2018
tfw you want to celebrate with your teammates but don’t want a DL stint pic.twitter.com/pC7i1QZknQ
— Lookout Landing (@LookoutLanding) April 2, 2018
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Think I missed a tweet? Feel free to embed it in the comments!