Since SBNation purged all the old comments, an action akin to the burning of the Library of Alexandria, some of my finest writing has been lost. That's right, I'm talking about the definitive rankings. What seemed to be a fan favourite (well for at least one or two of you) was the guys that showed up at the sub-being hit by a bus level. So I thought it would be fun(?) to make a full lineup of these jokers.
For now, this is just a lineup, no pitchers. If this is a success (i.e. I get more than 3 comments) I might do a Rotation of Hate, A Bullpen of Hate, Worst Manager Ever!, Worst GM Ever!, the possibilities are endless. So without further ado, I present the Lineup of Hate.
LF: This first one is special. A monstrosity of a platoon so vile and evil that only JPR could give it life. One on side, you have the washed up corpse of former Expo, Brad Wilkerson. On the weak side, you have the leg-breaking stylings of Kevin Mench. Together they form that Voltron of suck known as Mencherson. Even if you don't think Cito Gaston was the greatest manager of all time, you have to give Cito props for banishing this monster to hell and raising Adam Lind in its place.
CF: Do you like speed and bunts? Do you think modern baseball has too much power and it's ruining the game? Well then, do I have the player for you. I present Otis Nixon, a one-tool player with a face only a mother could love (Ms. Nixon could not be reached for comment however). Anyone that idolizes speed and bunts needs to be strapped to a chair and forced to watch Nixon highlights in A Clockwork Orange style.
RF: One-half of the worst Gord Ash trade ever, Orlando Merced. Don't let the positive WAR fool you, this guy was trash.
3B: Ed MotherFarrelling Sprague. I hated this guy. The only good things he ever did was the playoff homerun and a steroid-fuelled 1996 season. Do you like lacklustre hitting and general clankmittery at the hot corner? If you do, Sprague was your guy. Bonus hate points: His wife was awarded a gold medal in the 1992 Olympics over a Canadian because of a judge's error.
SS: You all know what's coming here. JaysfanDL's favourite whipping boy, Manuel "Don't call me Manny" Lee. For a guy known for his defence, he sure seemed to let quite a few balls get through the wickets, especially in high leverage situations.
2B: If you were paying attention to the Orlando Merced section, you know who is in this spot. The other half of the worst trade ever, Carlos Garcia. He was so bad, I can't put Joe Panik here. There's a reason why I said 1997 was the most cursed Jays season ever. I just realized there's 4 of them in this lineup already...
********************** Break while JaysfanDL goes to puke repeatedly *************************
and we're back.
1B: We're getting more into less cursed territory and just generally having to fill out a roster. I present to you Eric Hinske. More of a disappointment than hated. You expect more from a Rookie of the Year, however you shouldn't if you know baseball history and what happens to Rookies of the Year over the rest of their career.
C: This one got me into trouble with Barraqudie last time and I can't let that happen again. For this spot, we go with someone who I used to like but showed his true scumbag colours during his broadcasting days. Yes, it's Gregg Zaun. Whether it's throwing Jason Grimsley under the bus with a BS story in the Mitchell Report, being a general creep on Twitter, or his cringeworthy "Sunday Roasts", Zaun is worthy of this spot. Hard to do with all the fallen soldiers in the COTF camp but Zaunie pulled it off.
DH: This is based more off my feelings as a kid but I'm going with Jose Canseco. I hated the Bash Brothers A's and Canseco was the one I hated the most. A liar and a braggart, he was worthy of scorn. That being said, I follow him on Twitter and read both his books. Come to think of it, I like McGwire too, also Rickey Henderson, and Dave Stewart. Maybe I don't hate the Bash Brothers A's? Maybe I like Canseco now? Have I become what I once hated?
This post is over. Happy hating everyone!