I Need One Of These

Hear me out. I get the occasional spam call. I hate them. I have hated them since 1975, the year I was allowed to answer the phone. Back in the day I learned to handle that kind of call by violently slamming the phone back into its cradle. Back in the day I also used to enjoy dialing the rotary dial phone to make a call. Sometimes my mom, just to get rid of me for a bit, would unplug the phone and send me away with it to pretend to call people. Kept me occupied of hours.

Those days are gone. And we are all worse off for it.

I want those days back. BUT: I do not want to give up my smartphone to do it.

So, what I want is both things. A rotary dial phone dock that uses the smartphone while charging it.

I want to be able to pick up the handset, dial the number on the rotary dial and have the smartphone interpret that as a call and send it through. Then, when I become irritated (a state of constant irritation when on the phone is my baseline when forced to interact with people who insist on calling me or demand I call them) I want to violently hang up the call by slamming the handset back into the cradle. In essence, I want my rotary dial phone back.

These things do exist...sorta. Here we have an example of one:

See? This looks perfect. Mine should look like this. This one's not usable as a rotary dial phone, though. It'll charge the phone and the handset has speakers in it that will play your tunes, but you can't dial out a call with it. This is wrong. Why? Because you can't END a call with it, either. And by "end a call" I mean "end" in the same way my eldest daughter used to threaten me occasionally. "Dad, I will END YOU if you date anyone within 15 years of my age!" she used to say in that charming affectation she has of looking hysterical while also stone faced serious.

So, yes. I want a perfectly functional smartphone dock that is also a functional rotary dial phone.

One of you get on this for me, please.

Editor's Note: This is a FanPost written by a reader and member of Bluebird Banter. It was not commissioned by the editors and is not necessarily reflective of the opinions of Bluebird Banter or SB Nation.