TACO STAND – TOP FIVE REASONS THE BLUE JAYS WILL WIN THE WORLD SERIES
Welcome to the Taco Stand, my deadly serious look at various topics. Today we are taking a look at what I consider to be the Top 5 reasons the Blue Jays will finally win their first Lombardi O'Brien Stanley Tumbler (that's the official name of the World Series trophy, I double checked with Manfred).
This year's iteration reminds me of an ancient proverb:
If you lead a man to fish, you can't make him drink.
But if you teach a man to fish, they're worth two in the bush.
What this means is that Frankie Bacon was correct, knowledge is power. And with approximately 8756 combined seasons of baseball knowledge amongst the legion of coaches the Blue Jays have decided to employ, there's going to be a whole lot of learning going on and even more teaching. Rumour has it that every batter has decided to change their walk up music to the Schoolhouse Rocks theme in line with the new team mantra of "If you've got time to lean, you've got time to glean (new information from one of our coaches)." Yeah, it's a bit of a mouthful, but what do you expect? They're coaches, not Hollywood mantra writers. The bottom line is, from the baseball basics to the advanced strats, the Blue Jays have a coach that knows the score.
4. Bounce Back Boys
Now, everybody expects that the new and svelte Vlad is going to be tearing covers off of balls this season, and that married Manoah will be marvelous on the mound. But they are far from alone in the upcoming bounce back campaign. Occasional substitute gym instructor Daulton Varsho has sworn to stay away from troublesome teacher trollops. This will let him focus on the diamond rather than getting to third base in the janitor's closet. El Capitán Kirk has set his phaser to run - home run that is. And Danny Jansen has finally decided to hit pitches with his bat rather than his fingers. All this will make for a much more explosive and exciting season.
3. Exceptional Acquisitions
Well, we're at the the mid-point of this list. But do you know what isn't mid? The amazing off-season additions Ross has blessed this team with. Ross was hard at work for the last several months filling out the lineup, refreshing the rotation, and generally making the absolute best moves of the off-season in all of baseball. The returning Kevin Kiermeier is back to patrol center field, allowing us to hide Varsho's terrible defense over in left. Waiver wonder Brian Severn is so amazing I can't even spell his name correctly! That's how awestruck I am!!! And who can forget Isthatah Krunchy Falafel? Whether in the infield or the outfield, he's sure to have opponents running to the bathroom.
Cavan Biggio. 'Nuff said.
1. I Really Really Want Them To Win
And the number one reason the Blue Jays are going to win the World Series this is that I really, really want them to. I mean, like a lot. Like a lot a lot. The Blue Jays winning would make me very happy and I think they should and so they will.
Well there you have it folks, the top 5 reasons the Blue Jays will win Le Coupe Grey this year. Agree? Disagree? Fight it out in the comments below.
The Taco Stand is best consumed in close proximity to a toilet.